You work at a gym now.

From: Rock Guide/Camp Counselor

To: Front Desk Attendant at Gym

I don’t know if you know. But you work at a gym now. Yes. The ones that play the hip-hop/dance Pandora radio station.  You will know almost every song and lyric, in the whole Pandora station within 2 weeks of working there. The whole station. Not only will you know them, but in order to get through the day, you will have to learn how to like it. No, you don’t have to like Wrecking Ball or Radioactive but you will end up liking that song where the girl roars.

You’re surprised though. Because you once thought that your major and education would apply to every other job that you would get in the future – but you definitely didn’t know that was the truth. It is though. You’ll find that your rapport building techniques, de-escalation tactics, smile/charm and weird name remembering ability will bring you praise, fortune, and many wives – literally. Many hot middle age wives wearing yoga pants, they will try and get you to come bar tend at their 5 million$ house. Of course you will go, because you like them, and you want to show off your new bow-tie you got in Seattle on your road trip.

In your interview, they will ask you about your ability to handle the rich upper class – oh wait. (Okay, so this gym is in Vail, CO. The epitome of rich ski town get away for most millionaires in Texas and some other states.) So, they will ask you about your ability to handle members of the gym getting extremely frustrated, and in some cases yelling and screaming at you about minuscule insignificant problems. You will reply,

“At my old jobs, I was the senior staff member, or one of two, ultimately responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of a dozen children or college students at one given time, most of which had some type of Learning Disability. I operated in remote locations sometimes days from cell phone reception, and in adverse weather conditions with access to a limited amount of resources. While on these trips, I would regularly get less than 6 hours of sleep a night, and work anywhere from 3 to 18 consecutive days in a row. I’ve had kids have complete mental meltdowns, hurl rocks at me, attempt and sometimes succeed at manipulating the core of my very being, throw punches and in one instance human feces – in every instance I maintained composure, modeled correct behavior and implemented coping mechanisms for the situation.... I think I can handle an angry adult.”

They will ask if you were joking about the feces, just laugh, smile and move forward.
However, after your surprisingly well said response, they will have no further questions. You will be hired.

Members of the Gym will ask you if you have flip-flops for them to wear in the shower. When you apologize for not having them, they say, “Oh, MY, GOD. Are you KIDDING me?!” Before you have a chance to offer a solution, they storm off in rage.

Members will also ask you how to use the machines. You will point at the detailed diagram of an individual using the machine properly. When they still can’t figure it out, you will read the detailed description provided below explaining each step.

Also, some Hotel Guests will come down (they feel entitled to everything) with a beer in hand, headed straight for the treadmill. They proceed to run on the treadmill.. with the beer.

Most everyone will ask you, so where do you live? Where are you from? What did you do before this?  This is a difficult question to answer to people who have had every available luxury known to man at their fingertips for their whole lives. They may not understand Ceremony night or living in a truck (see The Houseless Chronicles).

Just smile and say, Asheville, NC.


Good luck future Jackson,
enjoy the steam shower,
and the citrus smelling cold towels,
and the plethora of yoga pants,

-Past Jackson

Here are some Inspirational Gym Quotes over some pictures: