"Happy Holidays!" A.K.A.

"Happy Holidays!" I said to 4 girls on vacation.

But what I really meant was,

"Go Fuck Yourselves."

Yup. Thats right.

I tried my hand at pedi-cabbing the other night. When I say pedi-cabbing, I mean peddling a giant tricycle around with 1-4 humans sitting in the back of it. We in the biz call this phenomena, "the chariot of destiny". Essentially I was catering to wealthy or drunk individuals - or both - and riding them wherever they pleased. 

"This is a gratuity based service", I would add when asked how much to pay me. 

or..

"However much you would like to pay a guy riding a giant tricycle in the freezing cold for money on his day off from work."

Now, lemme tell you, when you take this job - your signing up to be a servant to the village. You will do anything that needs to be done to get that dollar, within reason of course. So, when 4 teenage girls from mexico want a pedi-cab ride, you best believe I'm giving them the ride of their fricken life. They requested that Aleq (my pedi-cab compadre) and myself race our chariots. To which we said, "racing costs extra." They said yes, yes, yes! So we raced. Talledaga Knights style. After that, they wanted us to ride them around the ice skating rink - so we did. While we were doing that, they wanted me to sing to them - so I serenaded the holy hell outta them, singing Michael Buble n' shit. 

After their ride was done, they started acting real weird, and handed Aleq and I one piece of gum each. 

At the end of their almost 20 minute ride, they handed us... ONE piece of gum.. each. 

Aleq and I glanced at each other, like this was some type of mexican joke, or whatever, and then stared at them. Handed back the gum, and said, "This is not our form of currency."

They again, began acting odd and talking among themselves in spanish.

To make a long ridiculous useless dialogue shorter, they ended up giving us 1 dollar - which they offered to rip in half so we could both have some of it. We handed it back and told them that this is our job, we do this for money, so come back tomorrow or the next day with 10 dollars and we'll give you another ride.

Hours later, I saw 2 of the girls. They walked straight past me, and I said,
"Hey its you! What's up girls!" Very audibly, I might add.

They gave me the cold shoulder! Didn't say a single word! Just kept walking down the street.

So I told them.

"Happy Holidays!"

-Jackson

Happy Holidays y'all,
Sincerely this time though,
With no aggressive undertones.