The first semi-offical non-field guide to real life.

Am I dreaming?
I must be dreaming.
Is this… real life?

Yes. This is, actually, maybe, real life. You still live in a place. That place still has gravity, hopefully. Call me maybe is still the sweetest jam you’ve ever heard. Pizza is still the best food you’ve ever tasted. I still don’t have any money.

The world is normal. The world is perfect.

But how do you know for sure? Yesterday I had a funny dream. It started off fine: I was riding my newly refurbished fixed gear bicycle around Philadelphia, doing wheelies and skids and generally living it up city-style. It was totally-urban-radical, and it was way fun, as you probably imagined. The sun was out and I was eating a tomato like an apple, which was fun to do while riding my bike because the juice splattered against the pavement instead of my pants. Weird dream already, but getting weirder: After one particularly righteous skid, a faceless dream-bro ran over to tell me, “THAT WAS CRAZY DOOD!” I responded, “I KNOW!! IS THIS REAL LIFE???” At this point in the dream, I began pretending to puke, as if to suggest that the cool skid, or our interaction, or life in general, was nauseatingly unreal. This is when I woke up. I realized that the cool skid I did was unreal. Totally fake. The unreal-ness woke me up.

Think about what you would do if you found out you were dreaming. I don’t mean 15 minutes after you realized you were dreaming, I mean the very instant. Maybe your hands would start shaking. Maybe you would pee your pants or study the wrinkles in the palms of your hands, or both. Maybe, even, you would snot rocket all over the bowl of cheerios you were dreaming about. 

Now pretend that the delicious bowls of cheerios you all eat in the morning are actually arranging themselves, trying to spell your name. The problem is they only have the letter O. Isn’t that just un-worldly?? Totally out of this world.

Now... DO IT. Try to wake yourself up. Puke. Right now. Release the flood gates of reality. Puke all over your wrinkly, outstretched palms.

.............

Oh. You’re not dreaming? Bummer, dude. At least you figured it out, huh?

Here’s a sleep themed mixtape. It’s a good one.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/mj2rqpc6kmcdlvd/Sleep.zip

I lost my keys on Monday somewhere in Bryson. I lost the charger to my camera. So, I think it’s safe to say I’m going crazy. I keep losing things. Sometimes I wonder if my keys really do get up and walk away. It would explain SO much. But in other news, I reset the entire climbing wall this week, so come climb some time soon? I spend all my time in Bryson because I lost the keys to my scooter, so you’ll have to visit me wherever I may be. Sorry.

I live in a dream,

Riley.