How did you wake up this morning?
Did you drag your heels and growl at your socks? Or did you
do the robot in bed for five minutes before getting up? I can tell you, with
certainty, that I did not do the robot. I didn’t growl either. I felt exactly
how the word grog feels in your mouth when you say it over and over again.
Groggroggroggroggrog. You’ve probably heard Jackson struggle with this a lot,
and surely he needs wake up help sometimes. It’s like that dude is playing a
trick on all of us: He is acting in a play, where everyone is playing words,
not people. The thing is, the word he plays is either goofy or sleepy.
Sometimes both.
There is a traditional morning mantra, and it goes something
like this: “[insert your own name], GET SOME FUCKING STOKE IN YOU!”
It usually works. I like my coffee dark and my mornings
bright.
The other day I laughed myself awake. I was having a dream I
was clutching an alligator by the jaws, swinging it around in circles. My dudes,
Jackson and Ethan, were standing too close, and I accidently smacked them in
the stomachs with the tail of my gator. This was so funny that I laughed in
real life. Needless to say, I was about to have a wonderful morning.
Anyways, all this brings me to what this is: the first, and
maybe last, installment of things you can do to be gooder than you are now.
Get up earlier than
you do now. Do something funny and ridiculous before anything else. Do your
best Nicolas Cage (or Bruce Willis) impression. Army crawl to the bathroom.
Pretend you’re a duck while you’re brushing your teeth. Put on your shoes while
blasting the best I’m-alive-there’s-funny-and-feathery-things-in-this-sink-poppy-seed-sweet-jam
mixtape you can think of. Get it? If anything, it will be one more funny thing
you can tell all your friends later in the day. Be a morning person, as opposed
to an Any-Other-Time person. Start your day off on a foot in the first place,
rather than starting it still asleep in bed.
Here are some songs I like to play in the morning. A mixtape
of both recently and previously forgotten favorites.
Riley.
P.S. My genius friend Lisa is doing this amazing thing! She’s
documenting the process of creating a new work, entitled “Full Grown Baby Lemon”,
and consequently, creating an entirely different performance with the process
itself. This sounds so fun, Lisa! I wish I could be there in February to see
it.
P.P.S Sorry to bombard you with links and silly words, but
check this out:
It’s totally crazy.
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