Rock climbing, or the art of lying to yourself.

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Rumors have been spreading, and lies have been told. But yes, you heard it first from me: Rock climbing is totally rad. There’s nothing like eating apples on cliffs, pooping your pants (a little), and measuring yourself against something much taller than you. It is similar to how spooning feels for all humans or how the toe grooves in your favorite shoes feel to your sore feet: Really good. Rock climbing feels really good, dudes. Trust me.

“I don’t like rock climbing”

My instinctual reaction to this statement would probably be to insult your hobbies, opinions, and clothes for saying this, because that is a funny thing to do:

“(Insert stupid name), I can assure you, you’ll never lead a life as wonderfully rich and fulfilled as mine and my rock climbing friends’ lives. We are the pinnacles of human existence.”

At this point, I want to apologize to you, reader, because pretend mean is fun, but many a true word is spoken in jest. And, I’ve finally figured it out (yes, I figure IT out very frequently). Instead of acting on my gut reaction, I will offer you a solution to your strange mind-disease: You need a power hat. You’ll suddenly remember all the failures of your life, shake your head and look at your feet, while shame stabs you straight through your heart. You’ll all say, “Sorry riley, I was mistaken. Now, I am the rock climber (and human) I have always wanted to be.”

My power hat is blue and reminds me of being the badass we all know I am (again, I joke about scary things. Sorry). Jackson’s power hat has holes in it and a small visor, probably because his dad bought it for him when he was 6 (he didn’t need a big visor back then). Alex Kendrall’s power hat is blue as well, except his says New Hampshire on it because he is from there, or something. You see the theme yet? Behind every successful human is a hat, full to the brim with power.

But is it the power hat? Or is it the idea behind the power hat? Can you not directly attribute your confidence to this idea of a hat full of accessible power? “There must be a logical explanation for why you feel so good when you put on your hat,” you respond. No, it is definitely the hat and it’s mysterious energy.

Duh.

So lighten up, my friends. Get yourself a power hat and go climb something big or small. You’ll thank me sooner or later.

Riley.

Here, we see many different styles of power hats, as well as many different styles of dudes.