You’ll all thank me when you’re all the presidents of the world.

I don’t know how many of you have ever driven a scooter on a perfect (almost butterscotch) morning, but it is fun as shit. It feels like you’re going a million miles per second, and everyone looks at you and says, “who IS that stud??” I usually ignore them and put on my usual smug face, because that’s just me.

But it’s a totally different story in May. Try going 'scooting' without a working raincoat, without directions or a clue where you are going, or anything to keep the apocalyptic rain out of your face. You’ll never be the same again. And believe me, it gets to be the same story every time you try to go somewhere. The rain gods laugh at your attempts to be on time for work. Then they drool all over your trips to the grocery store. They snot rocket a massive booger on you every time you have a day off. Don't even try to hang out with your best buds, you'll get soaked.

This past summer I figured something out. I frequently had time to think while riding my slow-as-shit scooter to and from work in the rain. It was those days, in the rain, that I hatched this master plan. It was something relating to myself, motivation in general, and the idea of finishing what you started when you were born (are you sure?). I vowed that I would never rely on a scooter again. Oh? How am I going to do that, you ask? Easy:

I promised myself that in no longer than five years, I will own a car in which I can stay dry and maybe sleep. (probably earlier, but definitely in five years)

Hands shivering and shirt soaked except where my backpack lay, I sat down on my couch one fateful May day to write a list of five year goals that would make it impossible for me to ever rely on a pink scooter again. No more scooters for Riley. “Future Riley is going to LOVE this,” I said.

Highlights of my list, in no particular order (except for the first goal, which is a priority):

1.     Buy a car, preferably one I can sleep in and stay dry

2.     Have a barbeque on top of Castleton Tower and invite all your friends

3.     Make a really big swing

4.     Get rid of stupid grudges

5.     Visit your New England Friends

6.     Get a sunflower tattoo

7.     Don’t talk shit, ever

8.     Read the rest of the Lord of the Rings books

9.     Fly a great, huge kite all day on the beach

10. Graduate College

11. Etc.…

So, that is how you get rich and famous like me. Future you will love slightly less future you for doing this. Who let me onto the internet?

Whatever,

Riley.